Movie review: Immortals

I've always enjoyed watching sword and sorcery epic movies. Clash of the Titans (the old one, not the remake), 300, Conan the Barbarian (Arnold's version), the Sword and the Sorcerer etc etc...

So now they have the Immortals showing on the big screens. What's this one about? Check out the reviews below:

Immortals: Big, dumb yet perversely watchable
Starring: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Luke Evans, Stephen Dorff, John Hurt, Kellan Lutz

Here's a pre-flight (of fancy) checklist to fill in prior to watching Immortals.
Is it big and sprawling, with lots of 300-inspired fight scenes? Check.
Is it full of plot holes, inconsistent behaviour and silly deeds by otherwise intelligent-seeming characters that cause their enemies to gain the upper hand? Check.
Is it packed to the brim with posturing, furrowed brows, stirring speeches and the morose faces of people and gods on the brink of being exterminated? Check.
Does the story ignore everything – and I mean everything apart from the "fact" that Zeus is ruler of the gods – about the mythology that fuels its storyline? Oh hell yeah.
Was way more attention was paid to getting everything to look pretty, than to turning in a script that made sense and had lively dialogue? Oh boy, yes.
And does Mickey Rourke spend half his scenes chewing on assorted fruits and nuts from the production caterer's buffet spread? Uh-huh, and in blatant defiance of the "no eating on the set" rule too.
BUT ... the movie is also brutal, visually arresting, and packs enough gore even in its censored form to satisfy anyone out for a spleen-venting dose of carnage.
And while we're at it, as epic fantasies go, this tale of mortals out to destroy or save the gods of ancient Greece is also more enjoyable than the recent Conanor Clash of the Titans remakes.
Granted, given the level of those two films, that is not exactly high praise.
What Immortals does have going for it, despite its many problems and a final scene that makes absolutely no sense, is its stylishly-shot action sequences which frequently explode into startling violence.
Yes, that's it really. Forget about white-robed Greek gods who sit around ruminating on the foibles of mortals and how mighty Zeus can't keep his, er, divinity in his chiton.
Freida is the hottie in this movie
When the gods in Immortals show up you can bet an economy-size can of whoop-ass is about to get opened.
Basically, it's the story of Theseus (Cavill), a Greek peasant who finds himself thrust into the role of unwitting saviour of both gods and men.
The vengeance-crazed King Hyperion (Rourke) wants to free the gods' arch-enemies, the long-imprisoned Titans, to destroy the immortal beings while his own forces exterminate their human worshippers.
The most notable thing to take away from this movie is that where heroic figures are concerned, star Henry Cavill does have the makings of a pretty decent Superman. So, hope remains for 2013's Man of Steel.
The "man of steel" in action
As for Immortals, well, it's the kind of film that is so riddled with flaws in the scripting and storytelling departments that it should not be able to hold together for more than half an hour. Yet somehow it does, grabbing our focus with the kind of brain-squelching violence that makes watching it feel almost like indulging a perversion.